Monday, July 1, 2013

A Special Cake - Contest Entry

Susanna Hill is having a children's writing contest on her blog.  It is called "The Fourth of July Secret Mystery Writing Contest." 

Here is my entry:

A SPECIAL CAKE – 399 words

“When do the fireworks start?” Emily asked on the Fourth of July.

“When it’s dark,” mom said.

“When do we eat?”

“When everyone gets here.”

“When will that be?”

“Soon,” mom said. “Do you need something?”

“No,” Emily said, “I just can’t ‘til Uncle Jake gets here!”


“Can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

“A secret? Hmm.”

“He’s here!” Emily ran off the porch and into her uncle’s arms.

“What’s your hurry?”

“You know, Uncle Jake.” Emily looked at him. “Do you have it? Is it time yet?”

“Do you have what and is it time for what?” mom asked. She looked at her brother Jake. “What’s going on?”

“Can’t tell you,” Jake said, “It’s a secret.”

Emily giggled.

“A secret, huh? Seems like that’s going around today. Do you think you could spare a few minutes and help me? Zach and the boys will be here soon.”

Each grabbed an armload of items, took them across the yard, and placed them on the picnic table. Just as they were finishing, Emily’s dad and brothers arrived. “Where’s Kaitlin?” Emily asked Uncle Jake. “We can’t have the surprise without her.”

“Surprise? What surprise?” Emily’s dad asked as he scooped Emily up in his arms.

“We can’t tell,” Emily said.

“It’s a secret,” Jake agreed.

“Humph,” he said with a smile on his face.

“Time to eat,” Mom said.

“We can’t eat without Kaitlin.” Emily said.

“Don’t worry,” Uncle Jake said. “She’ll be here for dessert.”

“’Bout time you got here,” Jake teased Kaitlin when she arrived, “or we would have to eat cake without you.”

“Better not,” Kaitlin said. “Hope you saved me a piece.”

“Actually, you get a whole cake to yourself,” Jake said as he opened a box sitting beside him.

“A whole cake, for me?” Kaitlin asked. She looked very surprised.

Everyone, but Emily, did, too. Emily knew about the special cake. She couldn’t wait for Kaitlin to cut it.

“Hurry, hurry!” Emily shouted.

Jake laughed.

Kaitlin started cutting the cake, then stopped. She had a funny look on her face.

“What’s wrong?” Jake asked. He looked completely innocent.

“There’s something in it,” Kaitlin said.

Emily giggled.

Kaitlin picked a piece of cake up with a fork and took a close look at it. “It looks like a –“

“Will you marry me,” Jake asked.

“Say yes! Say yes!” Emily yelled.

“Yes! Kaitlin said.

“Yeah!” Emily yelled.


Susanna Leonard Hill said...

Oh what a fun surprise ending, Christine! I was not expecting that :) Great work keeping the secret to the end. Thanks so much for joining in the contest fun!

Christine M. Irvin said...

Thanks Susanna,

I consider that high praise!!! You just made my day!


Beth Stilborn said...

Well done! I wasn't expecting that, either.

Teresa Robeson said... sweet! *sniffle* I love a good proposal! :)

Pam said...

Oh my, my, my! Love it! What a secret indeed! And how wonderful that you had your little mc be the one with such a big, important secret. I really like that. So glad I stopped by. Thank you! (sorry about the exclamation marks, I couldn't help it!)

MTF_Books said...

This made me remember there's still a kid in all of us...and what kid doesn't like surprises? Especially ones that involve CAKE!

Patricia T. said...

Very surprising ending. Clever idea for a story!

Patricia T. said...

Love the surprise ending. Very clever story.

Christine M. Irvin said...

Thank you to everyone who has stopped by and taken the time to read my story and leave a comment. It was fun writing this story and it's fun being part of the action!!!

Cheryl Secomb said...

Awwww, Iloved it! So fun and so sweet. Great story!

Christine M. Irvin said...

Thanks, Cheryl. Thanks for stopping by, reading my story, and leaving such a nice comment!

Vivian Kirkfield said...

Love your story, Christine! The ending was such a surprise...and the pacing of the story was JUST PERFECT!
Susanna's contest is not only great's a wonderful way to connect to awesome writers.:)

Lauri Meyers said...

Awww, a romantic fourth of July proposal! what a fun surprise ending.

Christine M. Irvin said...

Lauri and Vivian,

Thanks to both of you for taking the time to stop by my website, read my story and comment on it. Yes, Vivian, it's been fun, too. But, I read the other stories and I'm up against some stiff competition. Wish me luck!!


grannymar said...

I never expected the proposal. How clever and a lovely surprise.

grannymar said...

I never expected the proposal. How clever and a lovely surprise.

Christine M. Irvin said...

Thanks, Grannymar. Everyone seems surprised by the ending. I guess I was good at keeping the secret, huh?!?

Jarm Del Boccio said...

Now, I did not expect a ring to be inside the cake. . .a real surprise, Christine! Well done! Did this by any chance happen to you???

Christine M. Irvin said...


Thanks for stopping by. No, that did not happen to me! When I was trying to come up with a story idea, I wanted a little girl to have a big secret. That was just the idea I came up with. Glad you liked it!


Laura Anne said...

What fun! A surprise proposal - I wasn't expecting that. I love how everyone's story has been so different other than the 4th of July theme.

Christine M. Irvin said...


Thanks for your comments. I have read the other stories that have been submitted. There's some really good ones in the pack (stiff competition for me). It is very interesting how each of us took the same prompt and came up with entirely different stories.


PamBrunskill said...

What a great surprise! I love happy endings :)

PamBrunskill said...

What a great surprise! I love happy endings. :)

Penny Klostermann said...

Very fun. I could feel Emily's excitement! Nice job :•)

Joanne Roberts said...

You definitely surprised me. I love the repetition of dialogue. It makes this story fun to read aloud.

Christine M. Irvin said...

Thanks Pam, Penny and Joanne,

I'm loving all the comments to my story! I'm happy everyone liked the ending. Thanks for visiting my site and taking the time to read my story and leave a comment.